


hate is a strong word

by thedarknesswithin (babylxxrry)



Series: drabbles [6]
Category: Pentatonix, Superfruit
Genre: Ambiguous/Open Ending, Angst, Character Study, M/M, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-13
Updated: 2017-04-13
Packaged: 2018-10-18 08:27:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 748
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10613079
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/babylxxrry/pseuds/thedarknesswithin
Summary: he hates it. he hates this.





	

**Author's Note:**

> another angst blurb. i've been in a weird mood lately. sorry.  
> i don't hate shawn.  
> i also don't believe everything written here about mitch. it's a close third person pov so it's more of mitch's thoughts about himself.  
> alternate universe. cannot emphasize that more. a l t e r n a t e u n i v e r s e.  
> i shouldn't be posting this so soon after that other one but fuck it.

Mitch hates this. He hates that he feels like he can’t accept Scott and Shawn dating, or at least acting like they are, he hates that he’s jealous as all hell, he hates his own mind being so goddamn selfish, he hates it he hates it he hates it.

He loves Scott. He loves Scott enough to let him go. He loves Scott enough that he’ll take the agony of watching the bright, sunshine smiles directed at someone else, watching Scott fall fast and hard, like he always does. He always has.

Mitch knows Scott’s patterns. Knowing someone for fifteen years will do that to you. Mitch knows how Scott does the infatuation thing, the head-over-heels tumble in love thing, the “i wanna be with you forever” thing, and up til now, it’s always ended in tears and heartbreak. Mitch can hold him, can comfort him, can press kisses into his hair that mean so, so much more to Mitch than Scott.

Thing is, they’re only getting older, and Mitch knows from long, late discussions with Scott that he wants to settle down, wants someone who won’t leave his side, wants someone to marry someday and start a family with and grow old with.

 _Me,_ Mitch wants to say every time. _I’m never going to leave you, I’d marry you, I’d have a family with you. I love you, Scott, so much._ He doesn’t, though, because Scott doesn’t feel the same, never has. He’s always seen Mitch as just a best friend, a platonic soulmate, some have said. They’ve talked about it. It’s not a miscommunication thing. Scott just doesn’t feel the same way, and Mitch puts on a smile and supports each new boyfriend, each cycle of love and heartbreak.

 _I’m here_ , _Scotty, I’m here_ , _don’t cry, you’re okay. you’re okay. i love you._

I love you doesn’t hold the same weight to Scott as it does to Mitch, and _god_ , does it hurt.

Shawn’s not like the others, though. He’s steady, kind, funny. He treats Scott like he deserves to be treated- like a king. He’s kind to Mitch, even as Mitch tries so hard to keep his trembling smile from crashing down.

 _God_ , Mitch is so selfish. Why can’t he let Scott be happy? Why can’t he see that Shawn’s making Scott happy in ways that Mitch couldn’t? Why can’t he accept what he sees? Why is it that all he wants is for Scott to be happy, but he can’t support it when he sees it, like some kind of sad, lonely asshole? Why?

Why is he so fucking selfish that he can’t even tell Scott he’s happy for him the way he used to be able to with the others?

(shawn’s so similar to him, though, in stature and appearance, though not in personality. shawn’s less flighty, more creative, more interesting, less anxious, all things that mitch wishes he was).

Mitch doesn’t know why he can’t let Scott be happy.

(he does. it’s because he loves scott too much. he doesn’t want to let him go. he loves scott enough to try and let him go, but he loves scott too much to go through with it.)

(there’s nothing he can do about it, now is there? he knows he’s probably too late if what he’s seeing is correct.)

(he keeps his bracelet on anyways. _i’ll always be by your side_ , they’d decided it meant.)

(he keeps his ring on anyways. _don’t forget that i always love you, mitchy, no matter what_ , scott had said. It’s okay, he’ll take the offer of friends-only love bound to this small, unassuming twisted ring, and he’ll pretend it means more than it does. he’ll keep it on his left ring finger, his wedding band finger, to protect himself from advances when he drowns his sorrows on the weekends down in the city. he’ll pretend he has scott to come home to when he’s tipsy but not hammered and he gets a ride home because he doesn’t trust himself full drunk without scott. he’ll keep his ring on and he’ll grab something off their liquor shelf without looking and he’ll drink the night away, until he passes flat out.)

(it’s not healthy, he knows, but for every moment that he has his bracelet and his ring on, he can pretend everything’s okay, he can pretend he doesn’t hate his brain for not letting scott be happy.)

Mitch doesn’t know why he can’t let Scott be happy.

 

 

 

- _fin._

**Author's Note:**

> leave a comment or a kudos if you're sincerely tired of mitch angst (or if you're not idk)


End file.
